What’s Going On [Part 2]

This foot thing is going to be a long haul. It is so complicated I can’t even explain what’s going on. I finally went to the orthopedist on Friday and what he said was confusing. I have a completely ruptured Achilles tendon. Normally, the response to this is surgery. I have a lot of complicating factors. I have the severe wound on the bottom of my heel and the sides of the heel. This is going to take a long time to heel. Right now I am walking on it which is making it harder to heal. Also, I am diabetic which makes EVERYTHING harder to heal. He feels there would be a lot of complications with surgery and fears recurring foot wounds. So instead of surgery, at least for now, I am going to be fitted for a “crow boot.” I know nothing about it but know that they have to make a mold from my foot and I will have to wear it for a long time, possibly forever, though I hope that is not the case.

This whole issue has been frustrating and worrying. My depression had lifted but more recently it seems to have returned, albeit in a less severe fashion. For some time this has become the “normal” way of life. I have to balance physical health problems with mental health problems. It is a lot to manage. The amount of medications I take alone is so difficult to manage. It is hard not to get discouraged. It is hard not to get frustrated. There are a lot of things I want to do in life and my physical and mental health problems are constant barriers to what I want to do.

To top it off, although classes are over, final grading has begun. I have an extra amount of work this year for some reason and it couldn’t come at a worse time. For instance, this week I have FOUR doctor’s appointments. The amount of time I take with doctors, medications, dressing the wounds, etc. is off the wall. I don’t want it to become the center of my life but it feels like it has. There are so many things to do each and every day and it takes away from things I would much rather be doing.

One of those things is this blog. I am disappointed in myself for not keeping up with my daily practice. Part of the reason has been the health problems. It’s not only the time taken by these problems but also the de-motivating impact that they have upon me. It feels harder to do anything when I could take a nap or just veg out. It definitely is not a happy time in my life and I can tell it is going to be a long haul until it gets better. The other important thing to point out is that it hurts! Both the open wounds and the torn tendon itself cause me a lot of pain and can make it harder to concentrate. It hurts worst when I am walking. I try to keep off it but it is hard to do so when you have things to do and when you are a non-driver. Even if I can’t keep up with my entries, I will try to write these “catch-up” entries that explain what’s going on for me right now.


#EverydayAcademic Ableism: Living as a Crip in Higher Ed

I wish I could say I have had better experiences as a crip* in higher education. In actuality, it has been very difficult. Ableism, the hatred and discrimination directed against disabled people, is found throughout society in every cultural institution. The education system is no exception, nor are colleges and universities in particular. I am a person from a working-class family, a first-generation college student, a transgender person, an asexual person, and a person of size. Despite all these challenges and forms of discrimination, none of them prepared me for being a crip. While I don’t like to rank forms of oppression, there is an existential nature to being disabled that is very unique in its vastness.

In this narrative, I will detail some of the challenges I have faced in academia as a disabled person. The hashtag #EverydayAcademicAbleism inspired me to write this piece. In fact, I sent out some tweets under that hashtag. It felt empowering both to write my tweets and to read the tweets composed by many other people. The ubiquity of the tweets reminded me that I am not alone. There are many people: students, faculty and staff alike that are affected by systemic ableism in the academy.

Unfortunately, I am in a Department that is not disability-accessible. There is no elevator that goes up to the second or third floor in Huddleston Hall, one of the oldest buildings on campus. Believe me, it is not lost on us that Women’s Studies is not in an accessible space. We preach social justice and feel terrible that we are located in an inaccessible space. It makes us seem like hypocrites, but it is not the fault of Women’s Studies. It is a systemic problem because there are multiple buildings that are on campus that are still not accessible. This includes academic buildings and residence halls. Because I have a mobility disability that makes climbing stairs difficult to impossible, as well as walking long distances difficult to impossible, it was necessary to move my office. In essence, I was ripped out of my home department and the company of my colleagues due to the inaccessibility of the office space.

My first move was down stairs to the first floor of Huddleston. There was an office available for one semester due to a faculty member leaving. There is an elevator to the first floor but it is for kitchen work/catering of the Huddleston Hall Ballroom. Thus, I always risked taking the elevator into a lavish affair and had to be careful not to do that! It was a nice office but I was only there for 6 months. Next, I was moved to Horton in an office with bright blue walls made of cement. There was a window and a small couch in it. There was also an elevator but there were still other problems.

In addition to needing an elevator, I also need classrooms for the courses that I teach to be as near to my office as possible. In addition to stairs, walking long distances is very difficult for me, particularly when carrying various items. Thus there was never any guarantee of close classrooms and there was a lot of back and forth between our Women’s Studies admin and the registrar, who controls classroom space.

After one year in Horton, which was being renovated for the history department, I was given the boot once again. This time I was moved to Conant which is one of the most decrepit buildings on the whole campus. Although it has an elevator, the office was very run down and old. I tried to make the most of it but found the space depressing to say the least. The elevator had bright, blood-red walls, which reminded me of something out of Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining. The office had no A/C and was dreary to be in with limited light.

My fifth and current office is an office on the ground floor of the newly renovated Ham Smith. My new office is very nice and I am happy to be in it. I really hope I do not have to leave. The office is accessible with an elevator, a bridge to Dimond Library, a gender-inclusive restroom and many classrooms. We are now in the process of trying to make it a permanent thing that my classrooms are always in Ham Smith. As you can see, getting the accommodations I need has been challenging. While I enjoy my office I miss being with my colleagues and wish they could be moved to Ham Smith along with me.

This odyssey brings me to another topic: loneliness and alienation in academia. To put it bluntly, it can be very lonely to be a crip. Our bodies and minds are often different from the “norm.” Often we cannot hide our difference, although some of our disabilities are invisible. Recently my disability has become more severe and I feel literally to be lost in the shuffle. I walk much slower than other people. I can’t do stairs. I have to use ramps and elevators. I am sometimes astounded as I watch people: walk so quickly and run, jump, leap, ride bikes of various kinds, skateboard, bound across campus without effort. As is so often the case, they take their able-bodiedness for granted. I cannot do the things that they do and I sometimes feel a level of sadness about it. It is so hard to be disabled, as it affects every facet of your life. In addition to my mobility disabilities, I have psychiatric disabilities and multiple chronic illnesses. It is a lot to juggle and my heath is always in the forefront of my mind.

It is easy to feel apart from colleagues and students because we are not supposed to talk about disabilities. Disability is cloaked in silence. Being a crip is my everyday life but not in my everyday conversation. This helps to fuel the loneliness and the invisibility of being a crip.

To make change we need to not only make every single space on campus thoroughly disability-accessible, but we must talk about disability, making it a regular topic of conversation in our meetings and help to foster relationships between disabled people on campus: students, faculty and staff. We need to make sure events are truly accessible and welcoming to disabled folks. As an example, my chair moved our department meetings to Ham Smith so it is possible for me to attend. I am thankful for the help I have gotten at our institution. I don’t want it to seem like it has all been negative because there are people trying to help. The problem is not with individuals but it is systemic. Systems needs to change for the benefit of disabled people. At the same time, we have a long way to go to become a more inclusive institution and one that truly values its disabled community members. I hope we all work together to change the campus climate to address ableism and become as accessible as possible.

* Crip is a term used by some disabled people that has been reclaimed. It should not be used by non-disabled people.

The Queen Diva You Best’a Believah: Big Freedia Reframing Pop Culture

Teaching the course “Race, Sexuality & Representation” has been a great joy. To have 15 upper-level students who are Women’s Studies majors and minors has been a privilege. It is also fun to be able to study people I greatly admire, like Marlon Riggs, Essex Hemphill, Audre Lorde, Sylvester and Beyoncé. In this article, I would like to focus on another person that we have studied: Big Freedia. We read Big Freedia’s autobiography and watched a short documentary about her on YouTube. I am a big fan and this article will be largely be me fan-girling about Big Freedia.

I first was introduced to Big Freedia on her TV show on Fuse called Big Freedia: Queen of Bounce. The most recent season was called Big Freedia Bounces Back. Seeing Big Freedia on the screen brought me back to when I was around 10 years old. I was watching a show that has long since been cancelled called Solid Gold. It was kind of like American Bandstand and featured popular artists performing their hits. That week they had Boy George and Culture Club on and I was Transfixed. Finally, I knew I was looking at someone like me, someone who did not fit the cookie-cutter image of traditional men and women. It was so empowering to see a reflection of myself on the television screen.

Big Freedia is a Black, Gay, Gender Nonconforming Icon. Although Freedia identifies as a Gay Man, many people use she/her pronouns and it is believed that this is Freedia’s preference. In honor of Freedia’s preference and femininity, I use feminine pronouns in this article. Like with Boy George, I was transfixed when I first saw Freedia on television. Big Freedia the TV show is not just another reality TV show. It has a lot of heart and it profiles people that we NEVER get to see on TV. Big Freedia is not Transgender, as far as we know, but she is Gender Nonconforming. Perhaps even more importantly, Big Freedia is African American. We don’t see Trans and Gender Nonconforming People of Color on television. Big Freedia having her own TV show, making her own music videos, writing her autobiography and doing many other things is truly revolutionary. It has taken a long time for her to rise in her career and she has worked incredibly hard. I hope she realizes what she means to so many of her fans and what she means to the culture as a whole for LGBTQ+ people, People of Color and many other groups in American culture.

Big Freedia has truly had to crawl her way up the ladder of media success. She was born poor as Freddie Ross in New Orleans and started out singing in the church choir. She switched it up and got involved with the Bounce music scene in New Orleans. Freedia was very close to her mother, Miss V., and her mother supported her in her career and through coming out as Gay. Freedia started performing in the club scene and quickly made a name for herself. She has had A LOT of challenges to deal with in her meteoric rise in the Bounce music industry. These have included the death of her beloved mother at a young age from cancer, being shot twice in an attempted crime, Hurricane Katrina, the death of colleagues, lots of management changes over the course of her career, and a legal problem that made headlines when she was accused of Section 8 theft.

I absolutely love Big Freedia’s music videos. My favorite one is called “Explode.” In it, she begins by saying:

“My music, it makes me feel good about what I do and the culture that I represent. People get confused by if I am ‘he’ or ‘she.’ I am more than just Big Freedia. I am more than just Queen Diva. I am more than just Freddie Ross. I am Me. I am the Ambassador, representing for New Orleans and for bounce music. So many things in my head sometimes, it just all makes me want to explode.”

The video then goes on to show Big Freedia and her troop of dancers, often called shakers, dancing on the street, in a laundromat and in a club. Big Freedia’s style might best be termed “androgynous royalty.” I particularly like how they are engaging in twerking in the laundromat. I go to the laundry every week with my mom and it is a pretty dismal place. As many people have commented, bounce music is happy music. It is by definition fast paced and euphoric. So Big Freedia and her shakers taking over the laundromat is a form of breaking up the mundane practice of washing and drying clothes. When Freedia and her dancers take over the street, which occurs in videos like “Duffy”, they literally stop traffic. I see this as a decolonization of space: a decolonization by Blackness, Queerness, and Gender Nonconformity. It is reclamation of territory that has been dominated by whites, heterosexuals and cisgender people.

Freedia reframes popular culture in the same way that she reframes identity. In Euro-American identity politics, there are very clear demarcations between “Gay Man” and “Transgender.” While I am not making the assertion that Freedia is Transgender since she has said explicitly that she is not, I am asserting that her Gender Nonconformity and Queerness mix together in a very fluid way. Freedia’s best friend and fellow Bounce music artist Katey Red is a Trans woman so Freedia is very familiar with Trans identity. Freedia may identify as a Gay Man but prefers the use of feminine pronouns. I think Freedia challenges the fixity of a Euro-American paradigm that would see “Gay Male” and “Transgender Woman” as absolutely antithetical. Big Freedia’s Queerness is complex and challenges us to re-think the total separateness of gender identity, gender expression and sexual orientation and how we might rework these entities in very creative ways.

Finally, I wish to end this piece by saying that Big Freedia is Royalty. There is a reason she is called the QUEEN Diva. There is a reason there is such a thing as Drag Queens and Drag Kings. In a society that hates Blackness, that hates Queerness, that hates Gender Variance, for a Black, Queer, Gender Nonconforming person to demand their right to the throne is revolutionary. Big Freedia will never know how many countless people she has helped to honor their own uniqueness and claim their own nobility. We are all majestic and remarkable, larger-than-life figures like Big Freedia remind us of exactly that.



“No Fats, No Fems, No Blacks, No Asians”: Interrogating Whiteness and Its Collusion with Thinness and Hyper-Masculinity in Queer Communities

I have a t-shirt that says “More Fats More Fems.” It is a direct confrontation to the “no fats, no fems” rhetoric that is used in many gay personal ads or app profiles. I have seen this for many years. In addition, “no Blacks, No Asians” is also frequently used, along with an aversion towards transgender people.

Most of these ads emanate from white, cisgender, gay men. White supremacy, thin supremacy and cis supremacy are huge problems in the GLBTQ community. I have found this out the hard way through my own experience. I am oppressed by two of these axes of oppression and privileged by the third. I will talk about the oppression first and then end with the way I am privileged.

I am fat and femme. In 1973, I was assigned male at birth. Growing up, I always knew I was not a boy. I was a feminine-acting and a gender nonconforming child. My gender creativity did not sit well with my peers or even my own family. For my first six years of existence, I was just me and living life with my parents and siblings. But as soon as I went to elementary school, I was thrown to the wolves. It was like a trial by fire. The playground was a battleground for me. I was brutally bullied from grades k-12 and grew increasingly aware of the fact that I was femme. When I came out into the gay community as an undergrad I was shocked by the level of femmephobia or effemiphobia. Fem gay men were completely marginalized. There was a tremendous emphasis on being masculine. Masculinity was seen as sexy and male-assigned people who were fem/me or feminine were seen as sexually and socially undesirable. I was shocked because I erroneously assumed that a group that was discriminated against would not discriminate against members of their own community. There were lots of fem/me gay and queer men that I met and they too faced marginalization from the community. When I came out as trans the anti-femme hatred only intensified and I realized how much misogyny, sexism, effemiphobia and transphobia there was in the gay and lesbian community.

I was also a chubby child and was bullied for being fat. I look back at chubby photos of myself as a child now and think I look cute. At the time, having my appearance mocked was devastating. I was already being teased mercilessly for being a feminine boy. Being made fun of for my weight and appearance dragged me down even further. I am not a lifelong fatty. When I hit puberty, I zoomed up in height [eventually reaching a height of 6’6”] and became really skinny for about 15 years. However, when I hit 30, my weight started to shoot up. This was similar to my other family members. I went from my lowest adult weight of around 200 to my current weight of over 400 pounds. I doubled in size. I have seen the way people treated me then versus the way they treat me now, including in the queer community. One time at a trans event, a skinny trans woman gave me the dirtiest look because apparently I was taking too much food from the buffet. I could no longer enjoy the event and felt like crying. The standard in the LGBTQ community is thin. The community as a whole is thin supremacist. The beauty standards for trans women or transfeminine people is the same as dominant culture: thin, dainty and petite. As a 6’6”, 425 pound transfeminine non-binary person, I am a TransAmazon. I do not fit the dominant beauty standards of cis or trans communities. It is very difficult to realize how marginalized I am in this society.

Transmisogyny and Fatphobia are issues that I care deeply about. I am affected by both problems and am the victim of these forms of oppression. However, I am also white. As a white person, I receive white privilege. This refers to unearned benefits and advantages that a person receives simply for having white skin. I first became aware of my whiteness in 1992. I was taking a Black Studies course and it was also the year that there were riots in Los Angeles due to the fact that the Black motorist Rodney King was brutally beaten by cops and the cops were exonerated by an all-white jury. This was done even though there was a video of the assault. I could not believe this injustice and was embarrassed to belong to a race that was so hateful and so dedicated to spreading white supremacy and dominance.

When I first came out, one of my best friends was a Black, bisexual woman. Her coming out paralleled my own coming out as queer and trans. We were both in a white, cisgender, gay and lesbian community and organization. As I began to experience transphobia, I noticed that she began to experience racism and biphobia. White lesbians and gay men treated her differently and made inferences about her identity. She got sick and tired of the racist treatment and had me read a letter to the LGBT group addressing her mistreatment. Her experience sadly was not unique. Beginning in the 70s and 80s, women of color began to speak out and write essays about racism in Women’s Studies, feminism and the lesbian Community.

Women of color and lesbian of color feminists sounded the alarm about racism in white-dominated feminist and lesbian spaces. Audre Lorde emerged as a leader who wrote and spoke extensively about racism in the women’s movement and in the lesbian community. She wrote that “your silence will not protect you” and encouraged women of color and queer women of color in particular to speak out about racism, sexism, homophobia and other forms of discrimination.

It was through my friend’s experiences and then through my immersion in Women’s Studies that I learned about racism and my own white privilege. I realized that I have white privilege in the LGBTQ community and that there are many ways in which white people receive better treatment in both the mainstream and in the subcultures. LGBTQ people of color face racism in the white dominated LGBTQ community and sometimes homophobia and transphobia in communities of color. This means that it is often hard to find a home where they truly feel valued. It speaks to the need for queer and trans people of color communities to have their own groups and spaces that are safe and inclusive.

In conclusion, the “no fats, no fems, no Blacks, no Asians” phrase is absolutely despicable. This phrase speaks to the need to combat racism, fatphobia and femme-phobia within the LGBTQ community. One of the things that has truly helped in the past several decades has been the emphasis on intersectionality. Now people are looking at what it means to be a queer person of color or a fat feminist or an Asian trans man etc. because they are putting together multiple forms of identity and analyzing multiple forms of oppression. My hope is that people will analyze both how they are oppressed and how they are privileged and work towards a community of diversity, inclusion and respect.

Women’s Studies Graduation Speech

These are the remarks I made at our Women’s Studies Graduation today. The remarks at the event were shortened for time; these are the unabridged remarks.

In thinking about what to say today, I was struck by the phrase full circle moment. As many of you know, I graduated as an undergrad at UNH in Women’s Studies back in 1996. We had our very small women’s studies graduation in the Smith Hall reception room and I never imagined I would be back teaching at UNH 22 years later. As an undergrad, it was Women’s Studies that radicalized me. I came to the institution traumatized after 12 years of severe bullying based on my gender expression, my weight, my socioeconomic status and even my height. When I got to my first women’s studies class with Penelope Morrow, my whole world started to shift. Up until that time, I thought the bullying I received had been my fault. But the more I learned, the more I learned about patterns of systemic oppression. I began to study gender and gender expressions beyond the gender binary. I came out as transgender and knew that I did not fit the gender binary system. I realized the oppression I faced was not my own fault but the fault of the transphobic system we lived in. After many years of study, I returned to UNH as a faulty member and came to that full circle moment. In addition to Penelope Morrow now being a colleague, so too is Jane Stapleton who taught me feminist activism when I was a sophomore. I wanted to give a five brief lessons learned in my years at UNH and beyond that I think are important reminders for all our wonderful women’s studies students.

1. Know and respect from where you came.

We all stand on the shoulders of giants. Let us be thankful for our families, blood and adoptive, and all that they have given us in our journeys thus far. For a long time I was very bitter towards my parents and focused endlessly on what they didn’t do or didn’t give me. Now that I am older, I focus on what they did do for me and what they gave me. I see the tremendous sacrifices they made to bring me and my siblings into the world. On their end, my parents should also be grateful. They got a son, a daughter and a J, so they got all bases covered. In addition to our families and our ancestors, I also want us to thank out feminist, queer and ancestors of color… For me these include people like Audre Lorde, Leslie Feinberg, Essex Hemphill, Marlon Riggs, Pat Parker, Sylvester, Sylvia Rivera, Marsha P. Johnson, Gloria Anzaldua and many more. Remember how hard these folks fought and be inspired by their sacrifices.

2. Be who you are.

During your four years here, it is my hope that you have been able to explore your identity and figure out a little bit about who you are and who you are becoming. I say a little bit because being who you are is truly a lifelong process. I have had identities change and identities stay the same but it is all a part of the process of who I am. The most important part of this phrase is to be unrepentant and unashamed in the person that you are. We live in a society that is constantly trying to make people conform and be someone that they are not. These forces are strong and they are ubiquitous. I urge you to resist these forces as much as you are able. The true you is incredibly beautiful and deserves to radiate powerfully in this world. As Alice Walker wrote: “No person is your friend or kin who demands your silence, or who demands your right to grow and be perceived as fully blossomed as you were intended. Or who belittles in any fashion that gifts you labor so to bring into the world.” I specifically urge those from oppressed and marginalized groups to be who they are. So often, we are taught we don’t belong or that we should not even survive. What a revolutionary act it is to be Black or Trans or a Feminist Woman or a Disabled Person and refuse to be silent and refuse to hide in the shadows. We are beautiful and we deserve to be here. Be who you are. Or as Oscar Wilde famously quipped: be yourself. Everyone else is taken.

3. Love who you are.

Folks, this is a really tough one for me. I don’t have a problem being who I am in the world, but I sometimes I have a hard time loving who I am because the cultural zeitgeist is so dominated by bigotry, discrimination and prejudice against all marginalized social groups. We assert ourselves and often get beaten down and told to hate ourselves. This message to hate ourselves, whether subtle or overt, is incredibly injurious to us. Self-love is the love that makes all other love possible. It is especially important for people of color, LGBTQ people, feminist women, disabled people and others to love ourselves because to so strongly leads to self-empowerment. When we go in being who we are and loving who are, we have already won half the battle. There will be more than enough people who diss us, who hate on us or who throw shade at us. We don’t have to be one of them. Our self-love will take us through many difficult passages in our lives and it will help to radiate outward our internal essence to the whole outside world. I am not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying I don’t struggle with it myself. But even if only a goal, even if only a destination, when we throw our ourselves into self-love, there ain’t no telling what we might be able to accomplish.

4. Stand up for what you believe in.

Those of you who know me might know that this is definitely my favorite one. I love to fight back against injustice. I love to see my teaching as not only an academic pursuit but as a form of activism or social justice seeking. As a teacher here, I am thrilled to see students’ transformations. From first year to senior year, I get to witness students change their minds and refine their thinking. Together, we look at issues from multiple angles and figure out our own thinking. From there, if we are activists, and women’s studies students almost always are, we can take our thinking and figure out how to fight for it in our society. Today’s society needs progressive activism more than ever. We stand up and demand that all people have reproductive justice and the ability to make choices about their own body. We demand respect and rights for people of all genders, including Trans and gender non-binary people. We stand in solidarity with Black Lives Matter and with all communities of color fighting police brutality and mass incarceration. We stand for a solid social safety net that does not put the elderly and the disabled at risk or in harm’s way and we demand a universal, single-payer health care system that shows that health care is not a luxury but a right. We stand for these and so many other things. What do you stand for? What do you want to stand for? What do you want your legacy to be? Go out there and fight for your beliefs and know that I and Women’s Studies are here cheerleading you on every step of the way.

5. Never, ever, ever give up.

Think about the civil rights movement and how long it took to obtain basic civil rights in the fight against slavery and Jim Crow segregation and how that movement continues in the fight against police brutality and against the prison industrial complex. Think about the suffrage movement and how it took 72 years for them to finally get suffrage in 1920. Think about Harvey Milk and how he gave his life in the battle for gay rights. Think about Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson who fought for transgender people, homeless people and the incarcerated for decades before their tragic and premature deaths. None of these folks gave up. We have a responsibility to follow in their footsteps. Activism is not for a week or a month or a year. It is a truly a lifelong pursuit. Never give up. The words needs your passion, your fierceness and you stunning fabulosity.

In conclusion, I want to say thank you. Each day in the classroom I have learned so much from you and taken away so much wisdom. On this, the time of your commencement, I want you to go forth and continue the work you have started here at UNH. I wish you many full circle moments. A quote from one of my heroes Leslie Feinberg goes: “Imagine a world worth living in, a world worth fighting for. I closed my eyes and allowed my hopes to soar.” Let your hopes soar high and always know that what you are doing matters to the world. It may not be easy but it is totally worth it. There are few feelings as wonderful ad changing the world for the better. Thank you all so much for listening.


Trans Support Groups

I remember the first transgender support group I attended. It was at the Milford UU Church and it was called Transgender North or T.G. North. They had an old-school snail mail newsletter they would send out and they would address it as T.G. North so it would give recipients of the newsletter more privacy. There would usually be between 10-20 people who attended G.T. North. They were an interesting bunch with the usual diverse “characters” you often find in the transgender community, and I say that only in the positive sense. It felt good to be in a community of trans people [and it was almost exclusively trans women and MTF cross-dressers.] This was back in the early to mid-1990s and the group was run by a couple names Karen and Pat Wells. They worked very hard to keep the group going for a good amount of time and I am not sure when the group eventually folded. There were some people that got cross-dressed in the church bathroom, as they did not have the privacy or safety to get dressed in their home. A few brought their wives and partners but many did not, either because their spouse was unaccepting or because their wife did not know.

I went to a few other support groups including Tri-Ess New England, the Tiffany Club in Waltham, Mass and one in Portsmouth, NH. Some I only went to one meeting while others I went to a few. A group I founded called New Hampshire Transgender Resources for Education and Empowerment [NH TREE] in the early 2000s had a number of open houses where we had meals and shared comradery with each other. The same was true of the 2009 successor to NH TREE that I formed entitled simply Transgender NH. There have been barbeques and house parties and pot lucks.

However, what I would like to point out is that the days when the support groups had their heyday, in the 1980s and 1990s are over. Starting in the mid to late 1990s, the internet happened. This enabled people to meet online. It enabled people in rural areas to find each other much more quickly. I remember back to Transgender Tapestry Magazine and how they would have personal ads in the back of the magazine. People would then write into the International Foundation for Gender Education [IFGE], who ran the magazine and the mail would get forwarded to the correct person. It all seems so quaint now. Snail mail! Imagine that.

While I would say there is still very much a need for trans people to get in a room and be able to look each other squarely in the face, I am not sure the next generation agrees. Digital natives, they have grown up with the internet, smart phones, social media and digital technology all around them. Going to a brick-and-mortar trans support group may seem old-fashioned or even unnecessary.

I will always be thankful for trans support groups, especially T.G. North. This was a time early in my coming out when I definitely needed this type of support. I only wish I knew where many of those early pioneers I met are and how they are doing. Their courage is inspiring to me and I will never forget them.

What’s Going On

I blew it. My goal was to write one 500-word entry per day. I have not done so in well over a week. There are several reasons for this. I don’t want them to come as excuses, because ultimately I am responsible for this blog. I am not so much disappointed in not keeping up so much as frustrated. There has been several life circumstances that have made it hard to keep up.

I am injured. I have a problem with my foot that they are still trying to figure out. One explanation is a tear in the Achilles tendon. But they won’t know for sure until I have an MRI on May 4. The pain has been excruciating. They put me in a “boot” and it hurt more than ever. The “boot” crushed my heel. I think this was because my whole foot and leg was so swollen. It has been difficult to walk and the whole situation has been extremely frustrating. The pain has made me not want to do much of anything, including writing.

It is the end of the semester and the end of the academic year. That is always an incredibly busy time. I have always said that I don’t like the academic year. I would much rather have the 9 months of works spread over 12 months because the work load would be so much more manageable. As it is now, we are supposed to cram everything in before mid-May. I hate the amount of stress that puts everyone through and then all of a sudden everyone leaves. It is truly bizarre if you ask me. I envy other people that have normal 12-month schedules.

The injury has caused me to be depressed. My depression is not as bad as it was about a month ago but it has flared again because of the injury. This further makes me uninterested in the blog and keeping up with a daily practice.

Finally, this past week, I had to do three, 1000-word articles. These articles were for the zines I do in my classes. Although it is a student publication, I try to always write an article and have my TA write one as well. It wasn’t too bad writing these because the topic interested me but it definitely took away from writing in my blog.

I have no idea if I will write an entry tomorrow. I have a doctor’s appointment and then a 3-hour class. The injury has made me not want to walk and made me more tired as well as it feels like I expend twice as much energy when I have to walk.

I need to have compassion for myself. It is not a failure that I have not kept up but perhaps a set-back. What I know for sure is that the blog will continue and that I will make a priority. I think when classes end that will be a help and when I get this injury under control as well. Thank you to anyone who reads this and thanks for your patience as I attempt to re-establish a daily/regular writing practice.