My life has been very challenging since approximately April 19, 2018. That was when my heel was crushed by a walking boot they had given me to treat my ruptured Achilles tendon. It has now been over SEVEN months since this injury. currently am working but have to go to the wound Care clinic three times a week.
Needless to say this greatly affected my mood. As someone who already has anxiety and depression, this whole ordeal has made it much, much worse. I have not felt like writing and I have had a hard time concentrating. There is definitely physical pain involved with the wound. It is intermittent and varies in intensity but it is almost always there.
My head space is taken up by the health crisis. The worse case scenario for this is losing my left leg below the knee. I am not an overly optimistic type. I try not to let my mind go there, but it is very difficult. I am set to have surgery on Wednesday, December 12. They are supposed to be repairing the ruptured Achilles tendon and put a skin flap over the wound. The trouble is, there is no guarantee that either procedure will work. I am afraid of the surgery and afraid of the pain that will be associated with both procedures. After the surgery will likely be rehab. I could be in the rehab for up to a month, and this could be over the Christmas and New Year’s Holiday. I am also worried that they will starve me in the rehab in an effort to get my weight down. At any rate, there is a lot of unknown right now and it makes me nervous, anxious and afraid.
I am disappointed that this health crisis has taken me away from my writing. I was in a good place for a while, writing 500 words a day on the key words I had generated almost a year ago. But it is funny how your head space can be colonized by your troubles, taking up space and not even paying rent for the encroachment. It feels good to be writing this tonight, right now. In a more positive way, I have to remember that one word is better than nothing. It would be really nice if I could keep up this tradition again and run with it but I don’t know if that is realistic. Yes, there will be “down time” when I am in the hospital with time to write. But it all depends where my head is at. I can’t seem to just file the health crisis away and carry on as normal. If anyone has any advice or recommendations for writing in the face of crisis, I would love to hear your thoughts.
I’d like to think everything will work out for the best with my foot. But I just don’t know that. It is the uncertainty that is perhaps the scariest part of this. There are so many potential outcomes and it is so out of my control. I am praying and gratefully accept the prayers of others. Shalom.