What’s Going On [Part 2]

This foot thing is going to be a long haul. It is so complicated I can’t even explain what’s going on. I finally went to the orthopedist on Friday and what he said was confusing. I have a completely ruptured Achilles tendon. Normally, the response to this is surgery. I have a lot of complicating factors. I have the severe wound on the bottom of my heel and the sides of the heel. This is going to take a long time to heel. Right now I am walking on it which is making it harder to heal. Also, I am diabetic which makes EVERYTHING harder to heal. He feels there would be a lot of complications with surgery and fears recurring foot wounds. So instead of surgery, at least for now, I am going to be fitted for a “crow boot.” I know nothing about it but know that they have to make a mold from my foot and I will have to wear it for a long time, possibly forever, though I hope that is not the case.

This whole issue has been frustrating and worrying. My depression had lifted but more recently it seems to have returned, albeit in a less severe fashion. For some time this has become the “normal” way of life. I have to balance physical health problems with mental health problems. It is a lot to manage. The amount of medications I take alone is so difficult to manage. It is hard not to get discouraged. It is hard not to get frustrated. There are a lot of things I want to do in life and my physical and mental health problems are constant barriers to what I want to do.

To top it off, although classes are over, final grading has begun. I have an extra amount of work this year for some reason and it couldn’t come at a worse time. For instance, this week I have FOUR doctor’s appointments. The amount of time I take with doctors, medications, dressing the wounds, etc. is off the wall. I don’t want it to become the center of my life but it feels like it has. There are so many things to do each and every day and it takes away from things I would much rather be doing.

One of those things is this blog. I am disappointed in myself for not keeping up with my daily practice. Part of the reason has been the health problems. It’s not only the time taken by these problems but also the de-motivating impact that they have upon me. It feels harder to do anything when I could take a nap or just veg out. It definitely is not a happy time in my life and I can tell it is going to be a long haul until it gets better. The other important thing to point out is that it hurts! Both the open wounds and the torn tendon itself cause me a lot of pain and can make it harder to concentrate. It hurts worst when I am walking. I try to keep off it but it is hard to do so when you have things to do and when you are a non-driver. Even if I can’t keep up with my entries, I will try to write these “catch-up” entries that explain what’s going on for me right now.