My grandmother lived in Hampton, NH, about a 10 minute walk from the North Beach. I remember walking with her and my mom on the beach. It’s hard not to fall in love with the beach. There are so many elements that make it appealing. The sight, the smell and the sound are all so beautiful. In the summers they had the “beach buggy” which would take you from the North Beach to the Main Beach.

Unfortunately, my grandmother died when I was in the 8th grade. Eventually my family sold her little cottage. Even though I live about 30 minutes from the beach, I almost never get to go because I don’t drive. This is one of the many negative things about not being able to drive. There is no bus to take you to the coast, which I find appalling.

Even though I don’t get to go to the beach that often, I do go there in my head. The ocean is my safe and quiet mental space. In therapy, I have done EMDR and I had to create a safe place. It was me sitting on a rock at the beach watching the ocean. Enjoying the crash of the waves, the sounds of the seagulls circling overhead, the smell of the salty ocean and the feel of the warm sand under my feet. It’s amazing how quick I can go there in my head.

It is sad beyond words how much our oceans are being polluted. There is so much teeming life in the sea and human greed is causing it to die out. I mourn for the destruction of mother-nature, for the continuous assaults against her.

Although I enjoyed the beach in summer as a kid, now I would only want to go in the fall, winter or spring. It is far too crowded in the summer and I don’t care for hot weather. I also don’t go swimming and do not wear the clothing associated with it. I feel conspicuous as a gender variant person in a space like the summer beach.

The beach can be a relaxing place but it can also be violent. Just this past week we had a Nor’Easter made up of rain that hit Hampton Beach. There was flooding and property damage and the ocean was enraged. It is amazing to see how angry the ocean can be when you compare it to how calm it can be. The ocean is like me because it is very emotional!

My apologies that this entry was a bit all over the place. I think the vastness of the ocean makes me go in many directions. There is so much to it. What can one say or write about something so great? When it warms up a bit, but before it’s summer, I would like to go to the beach. I will find a way to get there. I am excited because it has been awhile since I have walked the beach. I will think, reflect and breathe in the heady ocean air.